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Look before you leap – a second time

Marriage is no longer what it once was in decades past. Couples would start dating in the teens or twenties and then get married once they got a job or graduated from school. They would then go through many changes as kids, work and life offered a series of hurdles or opportunities. If that first marriage did not survive, many would get back on the horse, sometimes again and again. Now people or couples wait longer to marry, and some even opt to form a committed partnership rather than a marriage.

These options to wait or not buy into the concept may be trendy, but there are still plenty of people who like the idea of remarrying – ideally, if and when the right person comes along. Everyone has their priorities in a desirable partner, but it is more about the individual than the partner.

An opportunity to get it right

There is a lot to think about for anyone who chooses to marry but especially for those who have done it before. Here are some issues to weigh before committing once again:

  • The reason: This could be for religious reasons, their world view or because it is romantic. The wrong reasons would be because someone does not want to be alone, or they need financial stability. Whatever the reason, make sure it is the right one.
  • The children: Blending two families takes patience, and it often is complicated and painful. It is essential to consider the needs of the children into account. If they are not doing well before the marriage, things are unlikely to improve afterward.
  • The finances: Marriage is not a solution for living more comfortably. Financial independence leads to self-love, self-confidence and better relationships.
  • Timing: Fools rush in, and that may have been the case with the first marriage. It is better to wait until the time is right for both – this includes considering the children, work, and where each potential spouse is at with the idea of marriage. Those who will not wait are not the right person.
  • Mr/Ms right: The heart and head will tell one whether they are the right person. The answer is no if there are red flags or doubts. No doubts means running to the altar or justice of the peace without hesitation.

There are no guarantees

Ideally, the second marriage is the one that sticks, but that is not always the case. It is important to remember that there are no guarantees in life, and no one can predict the future with certainty. Nevertheless, serious consideration using the above issues is a good start.

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Littman Family Law
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