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It's okay to harbor resentment after divorce, right?

Like many divorcing couples, you and your spouse may have unresolved issues as you dissolve your marriage. However, holding onto your anger and resentment will not help you move forward – it could even harm you.

In many situations, it may seem natural to hold a grudge against your spouse, but did you know that holding onto those feelings can be detrimental to your health?

Are you sure you want to hold grudges against your ex?

Holding onto negative feelings about someone or something can result in physical changes within your body. In addition to affecting your mental health and preventing you from moving forward, resentment can affect your immunity, metabolism and blood pressure. As a result, bitterness can lead to stroke or heart disease.

If you decide you are ready to let go of grudges against your former spouse, do you know how to proceed?

Three things that may help you move forward

In some cases, you might feel justified in holding a grudge against your ex. But while you may believe you are right to do so, there are some things to consider once you are ready to work on forgiving them.

  • Accept your situation as is. No matter how badly someone hurt you, they may never apologize. However, you do not need to rely on someone else’s actions to accept your situation.
  • Try to see things from your ex’s perspective. If you try to see yourself in your former spouse’s place, you may gain an understanding of their experience leading to up to your divorce. While you will never fully experience things in the same way they did, you might begin to understand why your relationship changed.
  • Communicate your feelings. Once you determine your feelings about your situation, you may be able to clearly communicate your feelings about your divorce – and hopefully, you will be able to get to the point where you can honestly let your former spouse know that you forgive them.

While it may be easier said than done, you should leave the past behind you and focus on moving forward. While it will likely take time to learn to forgive your former spouse, letting go of the thoughts and feelings that weigh you down can allow you to heal so you can focus on creating the new life you desire.

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