The process of divorce is often painful. Spouses can say and do hurtful and mean things which leave a negative impact on the other spouse. This usually goes both ways. When faced with the end of a marriage, both people feel a significant personal loss and many lash out in reaction to his or her frustration and pain. In addition to the negative feelings spouses having about the process of divorce, the relationship probably ended due to behavior during the marriage that can lead to long-term lingering negativity about the other spouse.
If you are holding on to this negativity from your divorce, it is possible that you need to consider forgiveness in order to move forward in a healthier, more positive direction. Forgiveness is about healing you more than anyone else.
Whatever the reason for your break-up, the process of forgiving the other person for their behavior can release you from your negative feelings and allow you to move on. Most therapists will recommend some sort of forgiveness as part of the healing process. Here are six steps of forgiveness that you may want to consider in relation to your ex-spouse:
- Be aware of your feelings and emotions about your ex.
- Acknowledge that forgiveness is done for your well-being and not for your ex.
- Choose to be let the hurt and pain go.
- Realize those things within your control.
- Accept others and empathize in order to be more understanding.
- Become a more forgiving person in relation to others.
You do have the power to let go of many of the hurtful events in the past. This doesn't mean you condone certain behavior or forget it. Rather, you are choosing to start anew and move on from your past. This opens up greater possibilities for yourself and your children. If you are facing bitter feelings and anger towards your ex-spouse, you may benefit from speaking with a therapist about how to start fresh. Give yourself the gift of forgiveness and healing.