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Signs that a spouse has found someone else

The current living situation for many families means that they have spent a lot of time quarantined together. Ideally, this shared adversity enables the family to grow closer. Still, living, working and sleeping in the same space can mean growing too close for comfort, perhaps offering new insights into a spouse.

Some will be surprised to hear a wife listen to an employee’s grievance then seamlessly make lunch for the kids. A wife may take pride as she overhears a husband providing useful advice to a coworker who is struggling with a project. Close quarters offer insights into other parts of a spouse’s life that we were not previously privy to in such detail.

What is financial abuse?

Couples often divorce because of money. It may be a matter where there are disagreements about spending and lifestyle versus how much to put towards retire or other long-term financial goals. Ideally, these are issues to be discussed before marriage or as it becomes time to buy homes and raise children. But communication at any time can help couples work towards an equitable solution

These disputes over control of family finances, however, can also turn dark with an element of abuse. Financial abuse involves deceit or controlling behavior regarding a family or couple’s money matters.

Couples face challenges when in quarantine

One outgrowth of living and working from home more or less 24/7 is that some families have been able to slow down and reconnect with each other. School activities and sports are on hold, while puzzles and board games have made a comeback.

Conversely, all this together time may be too much for some, particularly for those new to cohabitating, new to marriage or are home with young children for the first time. Whether the relationship is a long one or relatively new, there may need to be some additional steps to maintain a healthy home life.

Keeping track of kids' possessions can be challenging

Every parent has at least a handful of stories about their children losing or leaving behind a treasured item. Sometimes it was something valuable like a laptop in their school bag, and sometimes it was a stuffed bear. Regardless of the value of the item, this can be a five-alarm emergency where the child requests the entire world to stop what it is doing to track down this item and return it to them unharmed.

There can be smaller versions of these events when the children are shuttled back and forth between co-parent’s homes and other places. There may also be an issue where the other parent does not reliably collect all items or remember where the child left them in their home when it is time to go or switch residences.

Celebrating Mothers Day in 2020

Mother’s Day for families with divorced parents can be a delicate dance. Regardless of the state of the parents’ relationship, mothers still deserve all the appropriate forms of recognition as the mother of your children. In the past, the ex-spouse could encourage the children to recognize the importance of their mother in their lives, and while handmade gifts are cherished, you may even have to do some shopping for such common Mother’s Day gifts as a favorite sweet, a spa visit, flowers or some other gift.

Participating in or at least helping organize the logistics of these are an excellent opportunity to show the children that the family is still a unit even if the parents live apart. The gestures also often are appreciated by the mother and can help strengthen the working relationship among co-parents.

Coping strategies for cooped up couples

It may seem like a dream to be home with spouse or partner, but some couples embrace the “absence makes the heart grow fonder” paradox. All this togetherness can make it more complicated, and it may seem like adding gasoline to the fire if there are a couple of kids who need constant supervision. Some or all of this can cause doubts or bring a shaky relationship to its knees.

11 tips for making it work

Domestic violence a growing concern amid quarantine

Many families have enjoyed their uninterrupted time together in quarantine. However, there is a growing concern that the stress of the times mixed with tenuous relationships and tight quarters could lead to an uptick in domestic violence in homes not safe for spouses or children. This is based on data in France (which has seen a 30% jump in reports of domestic violence) and other countries around the world as well as reports from New York, Washington, DC, and San Francisco.

This has led the UN Secretary-General Antonio Guterres to speak out regarding the risk during the quarantine. Moreover, pop star Rihanna and Twitter founder and CEO Jack Dorsey have each donated millions of dollars to raise awareness and support programs that serve victims of domestic violence.

Virtual mediation may be an option

There are countless reasons why couples choose mediation when filing for divorce. Many like the fact that they can draft their own arrangement. Many like that it is often less expensive and takes less time than litigation. Many like the less confrontational approach where the two sides work together to resolve any differences. While not involving a trial, the agreement is still legally binding when couples sign an agreement.

In light of the Corona Virus pandemic, the courts here in Colorado and around the country are operating with a reduced staff and only providing only essential court services (at least until May 15). Those with the virus or exposed to those that have it are told they should not come to the courthouse.

Look before you leap – a second time

Marriage is no longer what it once was in decades past. Couples would start dating in the teens or twenties and then get married once they got a job or graduated from school. They would then go through many changes as kids, work and life offered a series of hurdles or opportunities. If that first marriage did not survive, many would get back on the horse, sometimes again and again. Now people or couples wait longer to marry, and some even opt to form a committed partnership rather than a marriage.

These options to wait or not buy into the concept may be trendy, but there are still plenty of people who like the idea of remarrying – ideally, if and when the right person comes along. Everyone has their priorities in a desirable partner, but it is more about the individual than the partner.

How to get over the lying after divorce

Trust is a foundation of friendships and particularly marriages, and lack of it can be a significant contributor to divorce or a breakup. While the truth of the situation eventually revealed itself, it leaves a spouse feeling confused, betrayed and resentful. These victims likely promise themselves that they never will go through it again.

Protecting yourself or even your children is sensible, but it can leave the victims unwilling to trust others or even what their instincts tell them. Hopefully, there is a realization at some point that it is healthier for you to move ahead and forge a new life.

Littman Family Law

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Denver, CO 80218

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