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Good behavior in the courtroom is essential

Many couples who file for divorce choose to resolve any areas in a dispute using mediation or other alternate dispute resolution techniques. However, couples may not see eye to eye on some crucial areas, such as custody or dividing assets. This leads to litigation before a judge. This more formal approach has the benefit of leaving decisions to an impartial third party, but it can add stress to the situation.

Stressful situations can bring out the worst in some people. Bad or disrespectful behavior can reflect poorly on the individual or attorney – judges are professional and impartial. Still, as the person evaluating your credibility and case, they are the wrong person to irritate or annoy during a hearing.

Mediation requires a different mindset

There are many advantages to this approach, which can be modified to fit the circumstances. Notable benefits commonly cited include:

  • The ability to create your arrangements rather than leaving it to a judge to decide.
  • The process is less confrontational because it enables you to create your settlement collaboratively.
  • The process is faster and, therefore, less expensive because there are no court dates.

It can be a mistake to shut the door on a coparent

Some people go through life shutting every metaphorical door they go through. It means that they drop high school friends in favor of college friends. They drop college friends in favor of work friends. It means they delete or block the numbers of ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends.

It can work for some, but it can make circumstances more complicated than they need to be for divorced parents with children. Unless the relationship was unhealthy or unsafe, collaborative parenting can be easier and less stressful for the family. Plus, the ex may turn out to be a better coparent than a spouse.

Lies and secrets destroy marriages

Trust is an essential part of every healthy marriage, yet about 10% of spouses lie to their partner every day. Sometimes this is intentional with complicity – telling a spouse they look just as young as when you met 20 years ago certainly qualifies as a fib that both of you are in on. Sometimes a spouse lies to avoid discussing an upsetting topic like a bad day at work that has no bearing on the marriage.

However, trust is fragile and spouses who keep secrets, deceive or lie to their life-partner put that relationship in jeopardy. If the truth later comes out, the relationship can be irreparably damaged. Examples of this include lying about finances, having an affair or hiding an addiction.

What to do when your child prefers the other parent

All parents experience moments when their child dismisses them in favor of the other parent, grandparent or caregiver. This can be heartbreaking, particularly when it happens to the primary caregiver, but any parent. Kids, particularly young ones, don’t mince words. They’ll say something along the lines of, "No, I want daddy to pick me up from school.” Or it can be a matter of insisting that mom, and only mom, can cook for them.

Family experts acknowledge that it's typical behavior if a bit jarring to the spurned parent. It can be a matter of child development unrelated to anything, but often this is the response to a move, a change in schedules, a new job or a parent’s divorce. Children are creatures of habit and often react strongly to change to their routine.

Conscious coparenting during divorce

It has long been accepted wisdom that divorces likely scar the children for life. This fear prompts parents to remain in a loveless marriage, which some believe can be just as damaging over time. The thinking here is that children model their relationships and marriages on the dysfunctional marriages of their parents.

Why can a bad marriage be worse than divorce?

Why divorced parents need to update their estate plan

There are hundreds of details that couples must iron out as they go through the process of filing for divorce. These include a parenting plan, custody, dividing assets and debt, and other issues specific to the family. Often left until after the fact, or completely overlooked, many do not alter estate plan arrangements.

Colorado law automatically revokes appointments or bequests made to former spouses once the divorce is final – they are regarded as deceased in the eyes of the law. The assets are automatically shifted to the next of kin, such as children. However, this can make the estate needlessly complicated, particularly if the children are too young or unable to oversee your estate administration. The good news is that updating these arrangements can be as easy as changing the names on essential estate planning documents.

A parenting plan should balance work and kids

The biggest challenge for many parents who divorce is rebalancing their work and home life obligations. For some, it means returning to outside employment to help supplement the family's income. Others find that they are spending more time handling such hands-on tasks as picking up kids from school or participating in daily various activities.

Parenting plans need to be realistic

Is it over, or just a phase?

There are natural ebbs and flows to every marriage or relationship. We are all aware of this on a conscious level or subconscious level. While most ride these ebbs and flows, there may come a time when a spouse will wonder if their partner had a bad day or the partner is no longer interested in spending time with their spouse.

5 questions to ask

Introducing a new partner to the kids

Dating can be a challenge for many in the best of times, but it has likely never been more complicated than when they are divorced with children. While it may seem like more trouble than it is worth to some, people do manage to do it and find fulfillment in a loving relationship.

Once the relationship endures the awkward early dates and settles into a healthy and steady rhythm, the next step for them may be to introduce their new partner to the children. It is a big step, but it is an essential hurdle for many stable relationships with children involved in moving forward. The question is: How to do it?

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