Denver Colorado Family Law Blog

Spouses who choose to file for divorce must address many details before it is finalized. There will likely be some back and forth as the two sides protect their best interests and parental rights. At the same time, the children’s well-being should be the top priority. Part of ensuring that well-being is determining what is most important to the children during and after the divorce.

Well-intentioned parents may wish to share details about the divorce, so the children understand. However, this information should be age-appropriate and avoid the details (sordid or otherwise) of what ended the relationship. Conversely, parents can get caught up in the tangled web of the divorce and try to protect children from these complex issues. This can leave them feeling isolated and can lead them to anger, confusion, sadness, and grief.

It is increasingly common for women to earn equal pay or be the breadwinner in the family. This should come as no surprise since women have attended college at a higher rate than men in recent years, and they now make up over half the U.S. workforce. According to the Pew Research Center, this near parity arrived within a few generations -- only 3.8% of women earned more than their husbands in 1960. But it is not quite equal yet here in the U.S. - we rank 53 out of a total 153 in equal pay.

Mixed feelings about this

Family experts and the courts agree that co-parenting is the best approach to raising children if the parents file for divorce. Ideally, this will involve effortless planning, seamless transitions between homes, and parents who are on the same page when it comes to goals for raising the children and rules for doing it. The reality, however, is that it will take effort, but it is possible.

It will be necessary to reset the family dynamic in the post-divorce reality. Some family experts believe the best place to start this process is by setting some clear boundaries that will actually be a benefit for all involved. Clear strategies can go a long way towards reducing confusion and stress for both kids and parents.

Parents may tell white lies for various reasons. It can be continuing the fallacy of Santa Claus, the tooth fairy or Easter bunny. It may be a well-intentioned attempt to shield a teen from unnecessary emotional turmoil. Ideally, these fibs are harmless or protective.

A more harmful example would be an ex-spouse who tells untrue facts about a co-parent to their children or other family members. Typically, there are two versions of the story with the truth somewhere in-between, but the Ethicist column in the New York Times takes the inquiry from a frustrated co-parent at face value.